Emotional

Today was very emotional for me. Actually, it started last night when I checked my mailbox coming home from work. There was a large envelope addressed to me. Now, I did have a warning beforehand. My daughter's stepmom had sent me an email letting me know that she was mailing me some pictures of my daughter's children that were taken by a professional photographer. The pictures were beautiful! The kids are precious, 3 and almost 2 years old. Brother and sister. Tears were running down my face looking at these innocent grandchildren of mine who have absolutely no idea that they have a grandmother living 2 hours up the road from them. I raised two kids, 18 months apart, brother and sister.

There was also a picture of the whole family. I was shocked by the way my daughter looked. Seems that she has aged 10 years since I have seen her last 3 years ago. I don't know what to think about that. Well, I guess we all age. It just seems so shocking looking at my daughter and seeing a middle aged women, when she is only 30years old. Let's just say, the years were not kind to her. But she is alive and the children seem to be thriving. I have to do some significant soul searching to decide if I want to have a relationship with the grandkids, even possibly against my daughter's will. I really don't know if I have the strength to go forward with it.
One thing I know for sure is that I don't trust her and she has made no attempts to gain my trust back. It is hard to start anything given these premises. As far as I know she is not in recovery. She used to be, but her husband talked her out of it since he believes that you can quit doing drugs anytime. I know, he is a genius.

The kids grow up fast. I'll have to make a decision soon. My husband says that things change all the time, and one of these days, I will meet the grandchildren one way or the other. But what to do in the meantime?