Wednesday, February 16, 2011
No Expectations
Sunday is my birthday. I have no expectations that I will hear from my daughter. This will now mark the third birthday in a row that I will not hear from my girl. Four years ago she came to see me and brought me a big orange tag for my suitcase so I could find it easier on the conveyor belt when I travel. She also brought me a basketball signed by the head coach of the basketball team we cheer for at the university we both graduated from. Those were such thoughtful gifts and took a lot of effort to accomplish. She bought the ball, had to drop it off at the university, wait about 2 weeks for the autograph and then pick it back up. She knew that I would love it and she was right! I still see her proud face when she saw how surprised and delighted I was. How could I not have been convinced that she had recovered from drug use? Little did I know that the worst was yet to come. Jail, babies I won't get to see, a marriage to a dealer/enabler, etc. How high my expectations were then. Now, I have none. I have gotten used to it and I will have a great day on Sunday and enjoy the well wishers who will remember it. I sure love her and miss her with all my heart though.
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5 comments:
:( I am sorry. I wish things were different. Have a good birthday.
((HUG)) :o( That is all really sad. I know you are strong and have figured out how to not let it dominate your life and all of that....and YAY you! :o) But I know that even when we learn how to cope and navigate life there is still that little spot in our heart where that child fits perfectly.
I hope you're enjoying your birthday today - and enjoyed Valentine's at the hotel. I think it's good to express how much you love your daughter, and even though it is your birthday, your love is your gift to her. And some day she'll receive it. I've been reading some "addiction books" and the ones where the child wrote - they DO KNOW our love even when we're not there.
Have a blessed birthday!
Love & (((hugs)))
Thank you friends, for the encouragement. Yes, I had a great birthday today and no, I did not hear anything from my daughter. Annette, I could not agree more. Heather's Mom, I am patiently waiting, and nothing she can do will make me love her less.
Dawn, thank you for being you.
I'm sorry she did not call you. Its the drugs....all our lives would be so much different if it weren't for the damn drugs. :(
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