Changes

It's been a long time since I have had the time and desire to write anything down. I had decided to make me the focus of this blog. I have come to realize that I have other interests, concerns and joys in my life besides an estranged drug addicted child. Right now my biggest concern is my stepmom in Germany. She has been married to my dad for almost 40 years, after my mom passed away from cancer in the early 70's. She has been part of my life for a long time. It is no family secret that neither me or my sister ever became best friends with our stepmom. Actually, at times we did not like her very much at all. After my children were born, she delighted in being a grandmother and my children enjoyed spending just about every summer with her and my dad in Germany and traveling around Europe. I appreciate how she welcomed my children (and my sister's kids as well) into her life. She was the only grandmother they have ever known. Well, she has fought and survived breastcancer and has been cancer free for three years. A couple of months ago we found out that her cancer has returned and is now located in her spine. She is in great pain and just finished radiation treatment. She cannot move around anymore, only a little on crutches. Just today for the first time, she was given morphine pills for the pain. I am finding out that narcotic pain killers are rarely prescribed in Germany. My dad, who is now 87 years old, went to the pharmacy to pick up her medication only to be told to return in a few hours because narcotic pain killers are not stocked at the pharmacy but ordered on a demand by demand basis. No pharmacy stick up for narcotics in Germany! Anyway, my stepmom is suffering, waiting in horrible pain for some relief while my dad is taking care of her. I wish I lived closer and could be of more help. It's a helpless feeling being an ocean away from your family. It does have it's advantages at times, but then again it sure can be inconvenient too.